PAPA, I KNOW…!

Mitra was very happy; because it was her birthday after two days and the first news she got in the morning was that dad’s new play was opening the very same day, on 17^th August. The thought was exciting because she would be turning 20 this year and would be leaving for US for further studies within few months. The only thing that worried her the most was, ‘what papa will do all alone once I leave?

For Mitra, Papa was the center of her life. Since her childhood Papa was always there for her. She knew her Ma, as a short-lived cancer patient who died leaving the lovely daughter to look after. Papa always told her that Ma was very loving and tender. But, she never even saw Ma’s picture. Earlier many questions played on her mind but she started enjoying Papa’s company as time passed and never missed her lovely Ma. He was more like a pal than Papa. He was a playwright and that too a serious one!  Mitra saw him busy scribbling all the time. Earlier she used to throw tantrums because she didn’t understand, why did he write so much? As she grew she realized that there were only two things in Papa’s life and they were his writing and her.

It seemed that, for Abhinav, Mitra was the only reason to live.  His loneliness was eighteen years young, but with Mitra around it hardly existed for him.  He was more like an eccentric when with his own self. But when it came to Mitra he was the most enlightened father. He would suddenly talk of fashion trends and latest music and all funky things that Mitra would prefer.

Mitra remembered her last birthday when he gifted her with a turquoise eveningwear with sexy cuts. She couldn’t believe her eyes and when she asked Papa that how he could manage to get the latest one.  Abhinav gave a smile and said, ‘Beta, I know…!’ This had become quite regular because Abhinav got something or the other and it always matched precisely to what Mitra wanted. It could be dresses, music, movie tickets or books. And to Mitra’s wonder Papa always had one thing to say, ‘Beta I know…!’ It happened even with her career planning. Till now it was not apparent, how her simple Papa could know so much, but he knew.

Today when Mitra came from college, Abhinav was not at home and had left a chit that he would come late.  She was awaiting her bolt from the blue on this birthday, but there were still two days to go.  For a change she decided to give a surprise to Abhinav. The only thing she could do was to clean his study, which was never done because entering there was confined to Abhinav only.

 Though it was a major task, with scripts lying here and there, shelves packed with books and papers lying all over the table, she was firm to do it. Abhinav kept losing his things now and then and so Mitra decided to put all in order without asking him.

Mitra went upstairs and couldn’t understand, ‘where to start from?’ She got a ceramic pen stand and put all kinds of writing instruments in it. Made separate bunches of scripts, poetry pages and newspaper cuttings. With all her surprises she found some yellow flowers and colorful feathers in between few pages. When her hands reached the top shelf of the book rack a diary fell down. She had seen Papa caring that with him almost everywhere. It seemed he had forgotten it that day. The curious mind wanted to look in to it.

Mitra opened it.  The first few pages described her birth and the pain associated with it. She was shocked to know that her Ma never wanted to get her in the world. It spoke of Papa’s struggle to explain Ma the want of a child. With teary eyes she tried to read it further but heard Abhinav calling from downstairs.

Papa was home. She silently took the diary in her room and joined Papa in dinner. Abhinav was too tired to hear about the cleaning of the study and went to sleep.

Here in Mitra’s room the gloomy facts were right in front of her eyes. 

The diary said….

And she bluntly told me today when I was caring Mitra to the cradle “Abhinav, I can’t live with you anymore…it’s over…you wanted a child and now you got it. Don’t ask me why and where I am going and don’t try to contact me ever again.” And she left us that evening…what will I tell Mitra when she asks me about her Ma? I don’t want hatred in my child. God, please help me.

Mitra now knew that Ma was alive somewhere but never turned back. The diary further read about her first word ‘Pa’ and her first teeth and her footsteps. She could see her growth in the letters scribbled in that diary.

Now Mitra is growing. She asked me about her Ma and I said that nice lady is a star in the sky. Is it fair? Don’t know, but could convince her.

Her sleep was lost that night and she kept on reading. That diary had noises of Abhinav’s loneliness. The shrilling pain of silent screams of a loner was written in it.

But then Mitra read some thing and she was thunder struck. It said…

When I first met Madhvi, I sensed the lost sensitivity in her eyes. She is too tender and young but speaks like a grown-up. Now it has been almost a year and she asked me what next? Don’t know what to tell her. She is too young. I sense the intensity but I feel Mitra won’t accept her. I will explain this to Madhvi.

Mitra could not trust her eyes; Dad had someone in his life but where was she? She hurriedly leafed through the pages.

‘Madhvi told me that if it’s Mitra’s question she could adjust. She had decided to leave the city till Mitra gets older, so she won’t be an obstacle in my life. This girl is crazy and stubborn.’

‘Madhvi left the town but has promised to see me once a month. I feel emptied. How could she do this? But Mitra needs me more. She called last night and kept talking about Mitra. Now Madhvi wants to live alone.’

‘Mitra loved the set of audio books and asked me that how did I know she wanted it. I can’t tell her it was not I. Madhvi thinks I should know all about a teenage girl. She sent me a write up on menstrual cycle so that I can explain it to Mitra and it really helped.’

“Madhvi today called and said she will be getting a designer eveningwear for Mitra’s next birthday. Madhvi keeps on sending all this. She mails me about latest trends. I had to ask her whether she has some place for me or not!!? Madhvi is coming here on 17^th August. I want her to meet Mitra but I am not sure about Mitra? Now she is mature and I think can’t take all this because for her, Ma is no more.  Madhvi will see me at the same café on the station road, sit for few hours and will go away.’ Part time life is not an exciting idea though…

‘Mitra freaked out with the attire and again asked me how I could manage it. As usual I had to say, ‘I know beta...’ I wish…I could tell her that its Madhvi who taught me how to be a good father.’

By the time Mitra finished reading the diary her Whinny the Pooh pillow was all wet. Papa took the pain of being alone and never said anything. Her Ma was alive somewhere and never even bothered and here there was someone who was so much concerned about her. She couldn’t decide how to talk about it to Papa. Next day she left early for college. Sat in the library and read those scribbled words again and again.

Abhinav was amazed when Mitra said that she wanted to attend college on her birthday. She had some important lecture. Abhinav dropped her at college and went to the flower shop. Every time he met Madhvi he used to get yellow flowers for her. He reached at the station road. He could feel the waiting eyes, the warmth.

As soon as he entered the café his eyes straight went to the table where Madhvi was sitting. His feet stopped there. He was flabbergasted. Mitra walked towards him, held his hand, looked at Papa and took him to Madhvi. Abhinav asked in a confused voice…’How come you here Mitra?’

Mitra gave him a hug and then looked in his eyes and said…”Papa, I know…!”

Chirantana Bhatt